Ain't It The Truth

Pity the reputation of the poor little "ain't."  It's been around since sometime in the 1700s, showing up in the speech of just about everyone in England.  Rich, poor or middle class, it found a home in the language usage of just about the entire population in that great nation.

But then something happened sometime in late 1800s.  Rich and poor still made use of it, but the middle class took a disliking to it.  I have no idea just why this happened, but once the idea took hold it wouldn't let go.  Then in the early 1900s the rich decided they could do without it as well.  Then the evil eye was cast upon it and it became a castaway in proper usage.

However, it could not be entirely discarded.  Sometimes there's just no better way of putting a little emphasis to what you're saying.  Consider the everyday saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."  Also "This ain't my first rodeo."  Don't forget "You ain't seen nothing yet."  And as Will Rogers said, "Common sense ain't common." 

And where would songwriters be without it?  Louis Jordon sang "There ain't nobody here but us chickens."  One of Fats Domino's songs, "Ain't That a Shame" spoke to a whole lot of folks.  Let's not forget the Ira and George Gershwin musical Porgy and Bess that gave us the classic, "Ain't Necessarily So."  Another favorite was "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" by Nickolas Ashford and Valeria Simpson.

Dizzy Dean, Baseball Hall of Famer and announcer, summed it up when he said, "A lot of people who don't say ain't, ain't eating."

I'll just close by relating something said to be a common Texas saying (though I'd not heard it before) that tickled my fancy: If that ain't a fact, God's a possum.

Get A Job!!

The road to employment does not always run straight and smooth.  Herewith a few examples.

     1.   I could have been a carpenter, but I took the studs.

     2.   I could have been a healer, but I lost my touch.

     3.   I started to be a podiatrist, but I got off on the wrong foot.

     4.   I could have been a bookie, but I didn't like the odds.

     5.  I could have been a pastry chef, but they said I was too flaky.

     6.   I tried to be a banana picker, but I got in with a bad bunch.

     7.   I considered being a fireman, but I couldn't take the heat.

     8.   I tried to be a sheet rock hanger, but I got plastered.

     9.   I could have been an accountant, but I didn't have the right figure.

    10.   I wanted to be a drummer, but I lost the beat.

    11.   I could have worked for the railroad, but I couldn't be trained.

    12.   I could have been a chitlin' maker, but I didn't have the guts.

We can't get discouraged, though.  Remember there is always the right job for everyone.  You just have to find it.

8 Thoughts on Snow

1.     There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as
        your neighbors.  -  Clyde Moore
2.     If you walk on snow you cannot hide your footprints. -  Chinese proverb
3.     No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.  -  Stanislaw Lec
4.     You can't make cheesecake out of snow.  -  Yiddish proverb
5.     The snow doesn't give a soft white damn whom it touches.  -  e.e. cummings
6.     A lot of people like snow.  I find it an unnecessary freezing of water.  -
              Carl Reiner
7.     I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.  -  Mae West
8.     Where does the white go when winter melts?  -  Anonymous

Food & Fun in 2015

January:       A jovial jubilee with celebration in the air
                     Start the year with Jackrabbit stew, if you dare.
February:     A fabulous festival, now don't get the jitters
                     We'll have some fudge and fruit fritters.
March:          A merry month of marvelous mirth
                     With milk and meatballs from the
                      land of your birth.
April:            An amazing assembly alementation
                     Apples and almonds produce salivation.
May:             A mysterious mass of a mob of people
                     Eating macaroni and muffins below the steeple..
June:             A joyous jambalaya under the sun
                      Let's have jams and juice and Jamaican rum.
July:              A joking jabberwocky-filled jamboree
                      Who's bringing the jam and jelly beans?
August:          An amorous alliance, who's counting the cost?
                       Bring the almonds and applesauce.
September:     A sagacious symposium run by the boss
                       He wants sauerkraut, salsa and squash
October:         An obligatory observance is in the loop.
                       This calls for ostrich eggs and oxtail soup.
November:     The neighbors nuptials have a redneck theme
                       With bowls of nachos, neck bones and nectarines.
December:      A daring demographic dazzles the crowd
                       Serving duck and dumplings and dessert - Oh wow!

It's Christmas

                 (This post was first published on this site in Dec. 2012.  I hope you
                   enjoy the repeat. - Karen)

It's that time again, isn't it?  So for your consideration I present the lyrics to a song I wrote a long time ago.  First, though, let's set the scene.

It's late at night, the lights are dim, a little blues music is wafting through the air.  There is a fire in the fireplace in the snug cottage as you look out the window to snow falling softly blanketing the ground.  (Think Norman Rockwell or Thomas Kincaid.)  And someone sings softly.

                         Come On, Santa

Christmas time is coming and I'm making a list
Won't you tell me, Santa, can I have what I wish?
I want someone to love me, to hold me good and tight
So hurry up, Santa, swing on down tonight.

Chorus:    I hear jingle bells and tiny reindeer
                 Please tell me Santa, are you getting near?
                 You have got my address and I will be at home
                 Come on Santa, don't leave me alone.

I've been singing Christmas carols and decking the hall
I'm getting ready for old Santa to call
Bringing what I need to fill my lonely nights
So hurry up, Santa, swing on down tonight.

Chorus:

I have been so good, Santa, you would not believe
Looking forward to what is under my tree
If Santa got my letter and he read it just right
So hurry up, Santa, swing on down tonight.

Chorus:

Come here you jolly old elf.

Election Time Again

  
A lifetime ago as I became an adult I can't believe how naive I was about politics and politicians.  I actually believed the majority of candidates really had the interest of the country foremost in their hearts and minds.  Over time I did become much more cynical and this song, written in 1989 and incorporating some of the events of the day, was the result.  Specifics may have changed somewhat, but the overall concept unfortunately seems to have remained.

                                                 I'M A CONGRESSMAN

     I spend my life kissing babies and shaking hands
     Get important jobs for all my friends
     Pass a few laws every now and then
     It's a damn tough job being a Congressman.

      Chorus:  Yeah, I'm a Congressman living up on a hill
                     We tell you how to live your life and better still
                     We take all your money that you send to us
                      And spend it like we please, just have a little trust
                     In your Congressman.

     I believe in making young people pay their way
     So put my son and my daughter on the government pay
     My brother-in-law drives my limousine
     While my wife struts around the town acting like a queen.

     I'm a Congressman, son, thanks a lot
     I appreciate your vote now just get lost
     We can argue six months over minimum wage
     Then turn around and say we need a 30,000 raise.

     Cho:

     I got a secretary don't know how to type
     I make a lot of money from a book I didn't write
     I sell a little influence whenever I can
     It's a damn tough job being a Congressman.

     Cho:
  
     Tag:  Yeah, it's a damn tough job being a Congressman.

              

Achy Little Piggies

                    There was a time I suppose
                    When I had pretty little toes --
                    Those stubby nubbins at the end of the feet
                    That let you dance to your special beat.
                    They knew their place and they kept it
                    Till they started acting decrepit

                         There came a time deep in the night
                         I slept, my eyes shut tight
                         But those little traitors (to call their right name)
                         Put all decency to shame.
                         For stabs of pain in my big toe
                         And swelling red skin did quickly show

                    Peace was gone now from my slumber
                    Those little piggies had my number.
                    To touch the sheet would make me shout
                    You know the rest - I had gout.
                    A vicious disorder I declare
                    It makes me squawk:  This just ain't fair!!!



Have you suffered some disorder you had to deal with?  Plesase share.

A Little Life Music

Sometimes something happens and I have no choice but to put the situation to music.  So there is truth to some of this ditty, but there is also imagination working into the song.  I envisioned the thing set to a light-hearted march.  I do hope you enjoy.


                       PROPOSITION MRS. K

          I was walking down the street, enjoying the sun
          Having a good time, looking for fun
          When a man walked up, stopped me on the street
          Called me by my name and he looked so sweet

              Cho:  I've got a proposition for you, Mrs. K
                        Would you like to make some money today?
                        It could be fun, it could be swell,
                        Take your time and think it over well.

          Well my blood's not blue and madam's not my name
          But I'm always ready for a new game
          So I listened to what the man had to say
          Cause money talks and I can use some today.
          He put thoughts of jewelry inside my head,
          A life of luxury on a silken bed
          With diamonds and a jacket of mink
          It might be fun, now what do you think?

               Repeat chorus

          He pointed to a shop on the street
          Said I sell shoes to put upon your feet
          You look like you could sell a shoe or two
          I need some help, yes, you might do.
          Well, I dropped my jaw and my ego hit the floor
          And I'm not walking a so tall any more.
          I thought he saw me as a sexy turtle-dove
          But he wanted me to work and not to love.

               Cho:  He had a proposition for this Mrs. K
                         He wanted me to sell some shoes today.
                         Now that's not fun and it's sure not swell
                         I thought it over, and I can tell him -

                         Well!!!

Putting Shoes on My Barefeet

Some days it's hard to make a choice.  Do I go barefoot, or do I decide which shoes to wear?  It isn't always an easy choice, for I am naturally a barefoot gal.  I like this thought by Michael Franti:
          You learn a lot when you go barefoot.  The first thing is that every step you take
          is different.

There must be others with these thoughts.  K.D. Lang sings "Barefoot."  Harry Chapin recorded "Barefoot Boy."  Jake Owens sings about "Barefoot Blue Jean Night."  I can relate to all of these.

However, shoes and boots have turned up more often in the musical world.  And the songs often skew more to a life with a beat.  Remember when Nancy Sinatra sang about "These Boots Were Made for Walking?"  And Shania Twain had a later hit with her song, "Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?"

An earlier song was Dodie Stevens singing about "Tan Shoes and Pink Shoelaces."  And we can't forget Carl Perkins song (also recorded by Elvis Presley) titled "Blue Suede Shoes."  Of course you can go way back to get a listen to Red Foley singing about "Chattanoogie Shoe Shine Boy."

Another thought I like is one by Amy Adams:  I like Cinderella, I really do.  She has a good work ethic.  I appreciate a good, hard working gal.  And she likes shoes.  The fairy tale is all about the shoes at the end and I'm a big shoe girl.

 But let's not let ourselves get carried away with all this talk about shoes.  Charles Barkley sums it up pretty well  when he said:  These are my new shoes.  They're good shoes.  They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me.  They'll only make you have shoes like me.  That's it.

And we'll close with the immortal words of Phyllis Diller:  You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

We'll talk again later.  But remember, watch where you put those feet, especially if you are barefoot at the time.

10 Laws in 10 States

I really enjoy Bill Engvall's comedy.  He's the guy that came up with the "Here's your sign" bits of comedic wisdom.  States are like his musings.  The laws (like his signs) came about because of perceived problems with the behavior of the citizenry.  Or Mother Nature.  A little research came up with the following:

Alabama        -  One may not have an ice cream cone in the back pocket at any time.
Alaska           -  A person may not carry a concealed slingshot if that person has not
                         received the appropriate license.
Arizona         -  Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
Arkansas       -  The Arkansas River can rise no higher than the Main Street Bridge in
                         Little Rock.
California      - It is illegal to eat oranges in the bathtub.
Colorado       -  In Denver it is illegal to loan your vacuum cleaner to your neighbor.
Connecticut  -  In order for a pickle to be officially a pickle, it must bounce.
Delaware      -  It is illegal for anyone to fly over any body of water unless one is
                         carrying sufficient supplies of food and water.
Florida         -  If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter the parking fee has to be
                         paid just as if it would for a vehicle.
Georgia        -  Donkeys may not be kept in the bathtub.  This is a stricter law than
                        the one written in Arizona.  And this state is more lenient than Alabama
                        in that in Georgia you may not have ice cream in your back pocket on
                        Sundays.

What strange creatures we humans be.  Sometimes you just have to scratch your head and wonder, "What was going on that it seemed reasonable to come up with these laws?"  We may never know, and some of these may at some point be removed from the books.  But somehow, it seems it is easier to just leave them alone and keep on making new ones as we progress through life.